yes, I do still have some kids

O with cookie crumbs
O hiding in the bushes....still with the cookie crumbs
O and Cait
Cait

Finally, we could get outside to play! Glad it is Friday and we don't have to wake up early tomorrow. I think I may go back to DeNial ....just for the weekend. We may hear about a surgery date on Monday. Blah.

haven't had pics in a while...

Auntie
they love their Auntie
Under Owen's bed

again.

I am back from my trip to DeNial. Some how things are still the same. I must decide on a uni-lateral or bi-lateral mastectomy. What a choice. How do you make a choice like that? I don't want to make a choice out of fear, but there is no way to know if the left side is healthy. Do I take a gamble and keep the left and hope that the fear factor subsides? Do I do both and know that I will have NO feeling in my entire chest but also eliminate my chance of another round of cancer? Only I can make this choice but it sure is hard. I know what Bill would prefer, I think I know what my Dr would do, but what do I want to do? Maybe I'll go back to DeNial........

Did I mention that I hate cancer?

I have an announcement....

I have decided that I do not have cancer anymore. I am done with it and if you need me I will be living in DeNial. Thanks for all the well wishes and concern. I won't be needing it any longer as I am going back to living my life. That's all.

Just so you know

I HATE CANCER.

pics and not so good news

sledding
Zach looking for a mitten....IN the dryer.

Got path report tonight. Looks like the boob will have to go. I will miss her and really don't want her to leave. This sucks.

Snow take II

Out our back door
boys
Billy
more backyard

this kid....

I got some beautiful flowers yesterday and when Zach saw them he said "Mom, it's like everyone knows you have cancer!"

Surgery - Done

(Bill, posting for Kathy)

Surgery is done and was, by all accounts, successful. Lump is off to pathology for confirmation of clear margins. Thanks to Dr Amerson for a steady hand and warm heart. Thanks to John Kaasa for keeping Bill company and caffeinated.

Kathy is resting for the next day or so --- she'll start posting, calling, emailing when she's up for it.

"Out damn spot"......

Tomorrow is the day I get rid of this darn cancer! Out, out I say.

First day of preschool!

eating breakfast
on the stairs.....always on the first day
running to the car
one of her teachers

Cait started preschool today. She was beyond excited and had no qualms about staying. Mommy shed a few tears. I am happy that she is excited and I know she will have fun.

My own personal club.....

"The breast cancer survivors club"

(Karen, Margit, me, Joanne)

this weekend has been amazing. We had a family reunion on my Dad's side. This had been planned many months ago. I felt so lucky to be able to spend the weekend before my surgery with my Aunts who have had breast cancer. Wonderful support and lots of love. Really great timing too. So good to spend time with family that we don't often get to see. Our kids got to meet/re-meet a lot of my Aunts and Uncles, cousins and more. We loved every minute and are very tired! Thanks Mom and Dad for doing this! Thanks everyone for coming. People traveled from NY, CT, OH,AZ, SC, MN...I think that covers all the states!

Color me red! How could I forget Canada? My brother and his wife came all the way from Canada!

random

ice found by Owen

O's invention

A non-cancer day!

O in his bunker
Z jumping
C's dirty feet
John

Today we met Portia after school for some fun at the park. It was a little cold but not too bad and the sun was bright. Tomorrow Cait and I will visit 2 preschools. I am thinking with the radiation treatments coming Cait will be happy to be in school a few mornings a week. If I find the right school she will have fun and want to be there. Wish us luck!`

Billy

I love this man. He has been amazing through this. Letting me cry, get mad, irrational, and laugh. He makes me feel so loved and even protected....something I never thought I would want! Thank you Billy. I chose the right man and feel so fortunate.

We have a date...

Bill and I met with my surgeon yesterday. I will have the surgery Feb 10. I am ready to get this thing out and move on. Really like my surgeon and am feeling Ok with it. It is hard for me to accept that I have cancer. Can't quite wrap my head around it. I guess it takes time.

Why not?

Breakfast of champions!

Gotta love the kids

We told the kids last night. We thought they might be upset as their only experience with cancer was with my Aunt and Bill's Aunt.....and they both died 2 years ago. Nope. I did get a few questions though...

Z- "what color is it?" (refering to the cancer)
me- "ummm, I don't know. I guess I could ask?

Z - "when they cut it out can you bring it home?"
me - "Ummmm, I don't think so. They have to send it off to a lab". (so glad to get out of that one)

John just wanted to know why I had to have surgery and why couldn't I just take some medicine to get rid of it.

Owen and Cait.....I think they were making faces at each other and trying to leave the table.

Then they all cleared the table, starting argueing, and went to play in the basement. Yup, Mom has breast cancer, blah blah blah. Life is back to the norm for the Taylor kids. As it should be!

Did make me laugh. I was so nervous about how to tell them.

Good news!

We got some great news tonight! My cancer is all in one place! Looks like surgery and radiation really will be all I need! I had been holding my breath and now feel like I can breath again. Bill and I meet with the Dr on Wed. and we will set a date for surgery. The tumor is very close to the skin so she will have to take the skin. Do not care! Take it! We are just so very relieved. We will sleep well tonight. This had truly been the longest week of my life. We have not told the kids yet as we wanted to wait until we had more facts. We are thinking after our meeting on Wed we will tell them what is going on. It is hard to keep this from them. So thankful tonight.

Auntie's birthday!!

So yesterday was a bit crazy and I forgot about my best friend's birthday!!! A horrible friend I am. Don't worry sister.....today will work! Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to yooooou, happy birthday to you. You look like a monkey and you smell like one too. Zach and John made we say that last part. I love you sister (especially when you are now 2 yrs older than me...not that I'm counting or anything).

Seriously, thank you for being such a good friend. I'd be lost without you!

new blog..

I have my MRI today. Mom took Cait home with her last night. I didn't sleep Tuesday night and really needed to last night. My Mom came up and cooked dinner and whisked Cait away for some fun with Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you MOM! I guess this blog will be a little less kids and pics now. I'm still working through my fears. I know I will be fine ...it's just scary. Bill and I are anxious to have the MRI so we can get a complete picture of what we are dealing with and move on. It's hard to do your research when you don't have all the facts!

Today

Today I will work on accepting and moving forward. I have breast cancer. I am 39. I am so lucky my cancer was found early and I have excellent prognosis. The best. I have 4 children and a husband whom I love. I have an amazing family. I will be fine and I am going to kick ass.

Cait and her cake
Grandma and kids
The Bergman's are here! Portia and fam have moved down the way from us!!! We are about 15-20 min down the road from them! Yippee~!~